its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
