He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
