I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
