so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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