So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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