I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
