found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
