Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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