quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
