You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
