The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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