You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
