He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
