wanna go halves on a baby?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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