So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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