I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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