No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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