my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
