You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
