i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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