all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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