If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
