you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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