This girl is more easily done than said...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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