Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me too!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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