She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
