I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
