I want to have your abortion
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
