if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
