apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
