i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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