My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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