last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
