I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
