I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
