I'm gonna have a badass scar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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