I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
