i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
