So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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