it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
