I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
