remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
