i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
