32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
