I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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