so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
