I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
