just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
