alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
