Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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