We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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