Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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