Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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