i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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