whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
