he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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