Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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