I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
