im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My bed smells like the plague
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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