I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize