Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
