I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
