Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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