Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
