Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
