Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
