Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
