I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
